is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
