He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
