another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
