some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
