Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
