don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
