I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
