The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
