her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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