I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
