i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
