reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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