No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
