I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
