you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
