dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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