I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
