He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
