so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
