Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
