you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
