After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
