i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
