Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
