I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
