Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
