Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
