he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
