i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
they're like a gay fantastic four
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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