last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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