my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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