marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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