I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
