I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
