i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
