Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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