i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
