I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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