I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
