I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
