i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
