in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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