The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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