no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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