You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
