i don't want you to think of me as your TA
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
