I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
