and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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