please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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