Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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