Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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