You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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