apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Still dying that you shit outside
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
