It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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